Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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