I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
