Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
