There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
