If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
