yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
