are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
