but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
