think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
