living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
In America we eat man semen.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
