well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
