this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
