Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
