An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
