So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
