How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
