i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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