I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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