i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
