my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
