You just made me feel so damn special
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
