Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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