she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
