I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
