You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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