winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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