Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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