Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he shaved USA in his pubs
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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