I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
