You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
