they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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