nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
