last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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