that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
