Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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