Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
