A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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