A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
