It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
