i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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