Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
