I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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