How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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