my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
