guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
