Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
