There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
