jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
