brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
