idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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