shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
