I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
