Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Let's get the cat blown out
You ate ashes out of my bong
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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