I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
