So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
