my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
